To Brighten Your Day!

Over the past few years, I have put quotes and stories of my younger sister Daphne on facebook. These anecdotes always crack people up, and they really brighten my day. Being that I have not written on my blog for a while, I thought it would be fun to start up again with a compilation of these stories and quotes (with a few from my brother Calvin thrown in).


1. Getting goodnight kisses from Daphne...she kisses me on the right cheek and says, "West." She kisses my chin, "East." My left cheek, "South." Then my forehead, calling it "North." At least she got the north part right. She will always get on the wrong highway.

2.I overheard an imaginary conversation Daphne was having on my phone, and it went something like this: "Hello? Oh Sorry I couldn't hear you. My horse was going jiggily-jiggily. Oh, that noise? That's the bad guys and the wolf. They're all right now. I'll have to call you back on my walkie-talkie."

3. Me: (while Daphne was giving me a backrub) "You're so strong, Daphne."
   Daphne: (with a sad face) "My stuffed animals are stronger than me."

 4.  Daphne: "You'll never marry me, you know, Jenny."
   Me: (teasing her) "You never know, I might."
   Daphne: *gulp*

5. I took Daphne to the store and the bank. Numerous people thought I was her mother. Instead of telling them I am her sister, Daphne just gives them a knowing look. Later, when we were alone she says, “That is so unflattering.” Me: “I don’t mind it.” Daphne: “Not for you, for me! You’re kind of old, Jenny; you should be married.”

6. ((I am going to throw a Calvin quote in here as well)) Calvin: Mom, who is prince Charming?
   Mom: You might be someone's prince Charming someday.
   Calvin: Oh no!

7. During devotions tonight, I harmonized with a song we were singing. Daphne, who was on my lap, scowled    at me and put her hand over my mouth. Apparently, she's not a fan of harmony :-)

8. Calvin: I'm going to go beserk!
   Me: Well. please go beserk quietly while folding th laundry.
   Calvin: Okay.
   (He's currently twitching silently while folding...good boy lol)

 9. Daphne: You can wear the new gloves I got you at school and all the girls will envy you.
   Be very envious of my spiffy new gloves!

10. Daphne (gets down to the paper of her McDonald's ice cream cone): "Have I been eating paper this whole time? Not good!"
   You know something is yummy when you wonder if it's paper.

11. Daphne: (at the store today): "Uh-oh. Those corns have beards. This is NOT good!"
 
12. Daphne: (to Calvin) "When I was your age I didn't know that."
   Calvin: "You've never been my age."
   Daphne:"Yes I have. You've never been my age, though."
   Calvin: "Yes, I have - I'm 10, you're 6."
   Daphne is still not convinced...

 13. Me: (talking to Calvin and Daphne) Kids, a monumental thing happened yesterday: the world's   population reached 7 billion.
   Kids: (unimpressed) Oh.
   Me: (frustrated at their anticlimactic response) Kids, you don't understand! This never happened in MY lifetime!
   Calvin: Yes it did...unless you're dead.

14. Went to the store with Daphne and she got her poor little finger pinched. She insisted we call mom and tell her that she had an inch deep cut in her finger. I said, "But your finger isn't even that deep." "I know," she said, "That's the problem."

15. Calvin and Daphne are watching a science documentary that shows the details of the human eye....and they are laughing their heads off. Never thought of that as funny before.

16. Daphne: Mom, can I not eat this apple? It's too big and it's biting me back.

17. Daphne: (tugs on my shirt) I don't want to complain, but I'm feeling like the five thousand right now.
   Me: Why?
   Daphne: I am hungry and it seems like you need a miracle to get me breakfast.

18.  Daphne: "Close your eyes and follow me. I'll tell you if you bump into anything."
   Thanks, D, my sense of feeling is working just fine today.

19. I was talking with Daphne about weddings. Me: "What do you want your husband to be like?" Daphne: "Well...He has to have hair." Me: "That's all?" Daphne: "Oh, and feet." :-)

20. Daphne needs to take hugging lessons! I was stretched out on the couch, sleeping, when behold, I have been pounced upon by a smiling Daphne. "What was that for?" I asked her. She said, "It was a nice hug, wasn't it?" "I love you, but that hurt!"

21. Calvin: I am not getting married because it is illegal.
   Mom: How is that?
   Calvin: It is illegal to marry your relatives, and everybody is related through Adam and Eve.
   Nice try, Calvin.

 22. Daphne: "I'm allergic to everything but wine....actually I can eat candy, too."

23. Me: you are very good at making up songs, Calvin.
   Calvin: Only if I've heard them before.

24.Calvin ate too many peas before dinner and spoiled it. What is wrong with this picture? PEAS?!!

 25. Daphne: "When my doll grows up I am going to name him 'Wrinkles,' because it's gonna be old."

 26. Daphne: "I can always trust the toilet."

27. Me: Good morning, Daphne. How are you feeling?
   Daphne: Oh...cheerful, because I am nice and plump.
   Me: Do you know what plump means?
   Daphne: No...but I AM plump.

 28. Me: "I love you, Daphne." Daphne: "I love you mucher than that!"