Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Running Away Checklist

I was organizing files tonight and I found a file that my mom had made of my old keepsakes and records. While going through it, I came across a folded up piece of lined paper which, when opened, read:


  • bike
  • pump
  • bug catcher
  • screw driver
  • food 
  • clothes
  • tent
  • canteen
  • baseball cards
  • money
Attached to this strange list I had written was a note by my mom:

"Fall 1998: Jenny wrote this running away checklist after reading a 'Boxcar Children' book. She felt compelled to run away because someone in the book did!"

I laughed out loud when I read this. So I went to ask my mom about it, having no recollection of that "troubled" time in my life. She told me, "One night when you were six, you were particularly huggy and kept saying things about how much you are glad to have known me and how much you miss me when you don't see me. The next day,  you and Nathaniel went outside for recess for fifteen minutes. When it was time for you all to come in, only Nathaniel came to the door. 'Where is Jenny?' I asked. 'I am not supposed to say.' he replied. So I finally got him to say where you were. 'She is running away.' So I found you behind the shed, and asked you why. You had a sad look on your face and said, 'The kids in the Boxcar Children book ran away, so I felt I had to.' You had been reading those books, and apparently they constantly made you feel the need to empathize with the characters. So we made you stop reading them."

Well, this little anecdote made my evening. I am slowly remembering how much of a dreamer I was as I child. How did my parents ever survive me?

Friday, November 18, 2011

My New Obsession: Funny Pictures Part 1

I call this "Part 1" because I am definitely posting more. Little spots of humor in the day.































Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Some of my Favorite Things About this Time of Year

1.Cozy sweaters...I've been waiting all year for this

2. The beautiful leaves that make the most beautiful carpet for the mansion that is the great outdoors.

3. Steaming cups of strong, black coffee...mmm

4. Geese flying south for winter. Their calls are a major part of the soundtrack of autumn.

5. Wearing beautiful scarves!


6. Raking leaves (and making leaf forts with the kids).

7. Gorgeous sunsets that come earlier.

8. Jumping in puddles on rainy days.

9. Fires and roasting marshmallows.

10. Thanksgiving! I love being with relatives and eating turkey!

Fall is, by far, my favorite time of year!

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

All I Have is Christ

The Brevity of Life

Christians and non-Christians alike often forget how short life is. True, we know in theory that life is short, but nothing brings us face-to-face with our own mortality like the death of a loved one or friend does. In every stage of life, we have ambitions and goals, ranging from what we are going to eat for lunch to what kind of house we want when we get enough money to where we will go when we are retired. Death interrupts these plans. Are we ready to die? One of my relatives got into a car for the last time when she was only fifteen. I am nineteen, am I ready to die? I don't just mean, "Am I saved?" I know I am, praise the Lord.  I mean, if I died tomorrow, what would I regret? What would I wish I could have done before I died? 

Death raises the question of what is really important to accomplish in life. Americans get caught up in the now. We work so hard for the pleasures of life, forgetting about how short life really is. Christians in America are bombarded with the American dream every day. "You know you need this!" Screams a commercial on TV. "Indulge yourself - you deserve it." Tempts an ad in a magazine. And we swallow it - hook, line, and sinker. James 4:13-17 has a severe warning against this type of thinking that is so rampant among today's culture: "Now listen, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.' Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, 'If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.'  As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil. If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them." 

Satan wants us to look at the statistics and think we will not die. God does not care about statistics, and he probably laughs at our feeble attempts to predict the future. How much clearer does he have to be? We don't know what is going to happen. We can make our plans and have our goals and ambitions because that's what humans do, but are we focusing on what is really important?

Why am I thinking so much about my mortality? I am not just being morbid and trying to get you all to do the same. I actually believe that pondering our mortality is a healthy exercise encouraged by the Bible. Honestly, I was not even thinking about this until two days ago, when a got a wake up call in the form of a text message. My friend said, "I want to let you know, our friend Jason died last night." Jason was in his mid-twenties, a father of three, and had become a Christian only a year ago. When he did, he did not waste any time. He went to Southeastern. He had such a sweet spirit every time he talked to me or anyone else. And then came the cancer. And last Saturday, it was over. And I asked God, "Why?" 

"Why do you need Jason more than his family does? And why did he not get to live more of his life as a Christian for you?" God showed me that he is sovereign and Jason believed that, I know. When our friends die, those of us left behind wonder why. But even though I cannot see it right now, God definitely has a purpose for everything he does. Already something good has come out of this seemingly untimely tragedy: I was forced to think about my own death. I don't have a terminal illness, but I might someday. I haven't ever wrecked a car, but I might someday. Or God could simply bring me home by keeping me from drawing one more breath. What kind of God would do that? The kind of God who sees the big picture even when we can't. The kind of God who says, "...unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds." (John 12:24) Does it make sense now? Not really. I still can't figure out why God would let people die young, but it is a comforting thought that the kind of God who sent his own Son to die in our place holds our lives in his hands. No true harm can ever come to his loved ones. Death isn't  it.

Think of it this way: when you were a child, your parents told you not to do some things, like crossing the street by yourself, etc. Well, you might have come up with a million excuses, and you might not have understood why they said that. I know I did.  And why? Because you and I could not see the bigger picture, and our parents could. That is how it is with God. The Bible says he is all-seeing and all-knowing. Which one of us can claim that? Not me! So we shouldn't think we know better than God.

Now back to the topic at hand. What if we die young? If I died right now, my loved ones would be left with a messy room to take care of. That is not how I want to be remembered. But all humor aside, I think of all the things I could have said and done with just my family, and I realize that I need to change that first and foremost. And what about Jesus' command to go and make disciples of all nations? Life is short for me and there are non-Christians out there dying without Christ. Why am I holding off? If I looked back over my life, I would see so many missed opportunities. I can't change the past, but I can do something about the present and therefore affect the future. 

I have been in tears a number of times in the past few days when I have thought about the fact that my friend's life is now over. I am thankful that he is singing praises to the Lord right now. And now, I am also thankful that his death has given me a wake-up call in my life. I will not waste my life, so help me God! 
 

Friday, October 14, 2011

Good Intentions

How many times do I start off with good intentions only to fall, sometimes farther than before? How many times do I leave unfinished things I have started? Questions like these run through my head constantly as I see project after project and intention after intention fail. In fact, they are doomed from the start.

You see, as a Christian, woe is the person who makes plans without asking God for wisdom at the start and all throughout the process. God, because he loves you and wants you to grow in your sanctification and in your understanding of him, is committed to giving people reality checks whenever they do anything in their own strength.

God should be in everything. You should start off everything (from menial to life-changing tasks) with the help of God. And it is not just some sort of magic spell that says if you say the right prayer before you do something, it will work. It is honoring your Lord and saying that you can do nothing without him. And doing that will start your mind in the right place.

But it is not just a one-time thing. No, relying on God for strength should be in every step of the process of accomplishing that which you set out to do. And, it is not just another rule to follow in the Christian life. I viewed it that way all of my life. “I have to ask God for help or else this won’t work.” The problem was that I did not see my own helplessness and dependence on God. And I did not know the joy of needing God. I knew in theory that I needed him, and I spoke like I believed that, but when push came to shove, I relied on myself. And look where that has gotten me: a whole lot of unfinished projects and failed efforts. Obviously, I can’t finish things in my own strength – I can’t even start them.

Which leads me to another interesting point: what if I start something fully relying on God, and the thing I try to do ends up failing? Well, that could mean one of two things: despite your faith and hard work, God had other plans; or because of your self-reliance and hard work, God had other plans. It is quite feasible that you could do your best and remain completely trusting God the whole time, but still not get what you were working for. We do not have the full picture, so we have to trust God’s will.

And the other option? Maybe you started off in God’s will – trusting him – but then fell off the tracks at some point. I cannot tell you how many times I
have done this. The Holy Spirit often convicts me of my loner mentality. If your goal did not come to fruition, maybe it was a wakeup call. Start trusting God and not yourself.

Oh, and there is another reason why you could start something with all the right motives and in all the right ways and still fail, and that is laziness. We do have a role to play in the accomplishing of tasks in this world. We are blessed with this responsibility, but in the end, God’s will will be the determining factor. Let’s put it this way: What God wants to happen will happen. What we do does not change God’s purposes. If something we set out to do fails, then it was not supposed to happen. But, that does not give us the right to sit back with our hands folded. That’s the lazy way out, and it does not bring glory to God (which is our main purpose anyway). God says we show our faith by what we do, and we should work with all our might for him. We cannot know the exact will of God – it is not our job. Our job is to do what God has commanded us in the Bible, and know that God will bring about the results he has forordained.

If we keep this in mind, we should feel no regret after the end of a goal or project, even if it “failed.” I am done making good intentions and failing in the most important thing of all – my ongoing relationship with God. I really do speak from experience – I cannot begin to express all of the times I have failed to reach my intended goals because of my laziness in my relationship with God. When you want to do something, do not even take a baby step without being in God’s word and in prayer, and I guarantee that you will never fail in what really matters.

Friday, August 5, 2011

Boiling the Frog: Thoughts on the Nature of America's Movie Industry

"We can go see it; it's only PG -13." That is something I have caught myself and my friends saying about movies. Well, as much as I hate to admit it (because it limits my entertainment options) PG-13 has really changed. In fact, the movie culture as a whole has changed. Hollywood has boiled the proverbial frog in water by getting us accept that having sex with one's boyfriend or girlfriend before marriage, living with a member of the opposite sex, disrespecting one's parents, reversed gender roles, etc. are all right. Slowly these ideas have crept into movies and lowered the standard for movies whose ratings used to mean that they were acceptable to watch. There are a few major problems with the movie industry and it effects: what it does to people's minds, the ideas about romance, insensitivity to violence, inappropriate humor becoming acceptable, etc.

People are very visual, and once an image has entered into one's mind, it will be stuck there. It has become okay to watch movies with half-naked people in them. People actually get ideas about appropriate attire from these movies. In addition, directors try to visually include enough normalcies in the movie set, so that radical ideas become more readily acceptable. As much as we don't like to admit, beauty and familiarity are powerful tools in manipulating, and we have often succumbed to their powers.

I am like most girls, and I love my romantic comedies and chick flicks. But there are some things I have become willing to ignore, and I am afraid I am becoming insensitive to in order that I will be able to keep watching my movies. Things like premarital sex, living together, dressing immodestly to catch a guy, and more general moral failings like lying, cheating, etc. have been presented as normal in the films that I enjoy so much. I tell myself not to throw out the baby with bath water, and I swallow the whole thing - hook, line, and sinker. It is such a tendency with girls to also get the wrong impression about what kind of women they must be in order to get the guys that we're supposed to desire. This is so dangerous when it comes to thinking about one's own marriage, because people are not like the characters in the movies, and the shabby imitations that we come up with are disgusting, earn us the wrong kind of spouses, and often lead to divorce.

Another problem with the movie industry is its promotion of violence (and insensitivity to it) and revenge. I enjoy watching tense action movies, but I have started to just accept the bloodshed as nothing. I did not realize how detrimental this was, until I wondered why the "death" of so many people was not bothering me. Movies make death and murder impersonal. Revenge is also a common theme in movies, and is probably more of a struggle for people. Christians are steeped in a culture that says one’s natural impulses are reasonable guides for one’s actions. Revenge is one of those impulses. But the Bible says, “Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.” (Romans 12:19) We are called to live supernatural lives – not natural lives.

Yet another prevalent issue in movie-watching is inappropriate humor. Bathroom humor, stereotypes that slander and misrepresent, sexual humor, etc. are all laced throughout the movies that keep coming out. Even children’s movies have hints at inappropriate humor; such that children are being taught at a young age to laugh at what is sacred or sinful. I have often sat in a movie theater and laughed at the funny parts of a movie, only to realize later how inappropriate that was.

Movies cater to people’s strongest emotions and desires: the desire to be loved, the desire to laugh, feelings of anger over injustice, etc. These are not sinful desires/ feelings; in fact, they are what make us human. Because the people in the movie industry are experts are experts in manipulating human emotions, we do not easily realize the moral issues with a movie, unless we really think about it. It is so difficult to find wholesome things to watch or entertain oneself with. But it is worth the effort to not contaminate one’s mind.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

What If? Thoughts on Thankfulness

I was listening to K-Love today, and heard something that really convicted me. A K-Love listener had written something on the K-Love facebook page, and it went something like this: "What if you woke up today with only the things you thanked God for yesterday. What would you have?"  So I got to thinking...what would I have? When closely considering my prayer time yesterday, I saw that I did a lot of asking, complaining, and stating the obvious, but I did not thank God for anything in my morning prayer time. What about later? Surely I thanked Him later for my family, friends, possessions, and the spiritual blessing he has given me. Looking over my day, I realized that I thanked God for only my three meals.

You may think that allowing "What if" statements to make me think hard is silly, but I have discovered in various seasons of my life that I am most happy and content with what I have when I am most thankful. On this topic, Charles Spurgeon said, "You say, 'If I had a little more, I should be very satisfied.' You make a mistake. If you are not content with what you have, you would not be satisfied if it were doubled."  Gratitude and contentedness are closely related.

When I try to purge complaining out of my life, Satan tries to tempt me to think that I have a lot to complain about (which, by the way, I do not!). God handpicked my life for me to bring about his purposes in the world, and to bring him the most glory. Complaining is telling God that he did a bad job picking out the circumstances in my life.

A few years ago, I was struggling with similar discontent/ungrateful thoughts, and my mom showed me a video of an interaction between some sort of aid worker and some young Sudanese children. The aid worker happened upon what appeared to be an abandoned village (probably raided by some warring party). In the corner of the village, there was a little girl who was skin and bones. She may have been injured (I forget), but she greeted the aid worker and the camera man with a bright smile. They gave her some crackers, and instead of eating them, she went rapidly off...then returned carrying two small children- also skin and bones. Taking the crackers, she split the pack in half between what we later were told were her two younger siblings. The girl was only eight, and she already was facing such terrible hardships. That is why I have nothing to complain about.

Will not God, who created the whole universe and you, and who keeps the breath in your body, take care of you, giving you everything you need? Why complain or worry? Give thanks with joy, even if the Lord has allowed some hardship in your life. Maybe you do not see right now how whatever you are going through fits into his plan, but he has a purpose for you. However flippant that may sound to you who may be going through a trying time, realize that true peace, comfort, and security lies in being grateful for, content with, and trusting in God's plan for you life. Find ways to live as a grateful person.


Here's my challenge for you and myself: this month (July 20th until August 20th), every day this entire month, write down ten different things for which you are thankful, and read them at least three times that day. I think the forecast for this month is a change of attitude for me, and for whoever else tries this wholesome activity. And I am looking forward to having that change.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Nepal Trip Report


I recently returned from a trip to Nepal. It was an eye-opening experience for me, and I want to share some of the things God showed me, and some ways people can pray.
Throughout the trip, I felt God’s hand on me and I know he was really protecting and guiding our entire team. We started off the trip (after landing in Kathmandu) with a six-hour van ride. I remember passing thousands of people during that ride, and thinking about how few of them actually knew Jesus as their Savior. That thought was quite staggering.  It really helped my mindset for the trip. I had been wondering what good a two-week trip to Nepal would actually do, but God convicted me that he can use any words we say as seeds in the hearts of each person with whom we would share. It was up to him to provide the results, and I did not have to worry about anything but obeying his calling.
We trekked to some villages high in the mountains, and were able to talk to many people through translators. It struck me with how hospitable the people were. We could walk right into their courtyards and talk to them about the gospel (or whatever we wanted, for all they cared). Their receptivity was another story. Sadly, the ties of family, tradition, and social status kept even the most open and rapt listeners from believing in Christ and giving up their lives of Buddhism.
A few stories of conversations I experienced (either as a listener or a speaker) are as follows: in the first village to which we went, I went out sharing with a sub-group of our team (three people and a translator). I struck up a conversation with a woman who was open to hearing about Christianity. She listened politely, at first, but then she became more and more interested in hearing how she did not have to fear death. In the end, however, she said that she probably would not die soon, but she could not risk losing the respect of her family. We gave her a Bible on cd, and I am hoping that she will listen to it.
Another time, we went to a small restaurant to eat lunch (the same sub-group). It was taking a while, so we offered to help, just for fun. The owner taught us how to make momos (stuffed dumplings), at which we did a horrible job J After eating our lunch, we were able to talk with her about the gospel for a good while. Again we met with the same response: she was worried what her family would think. Her name is Tse-Ring, and she is a mother of two.
One of the most memorable conversations we had was in another village. We went to look for an internet café where we could write home. In the room with the computers, there was a man on the bed who obviously had some physical issues. While we were waiting for the very slow internet, H started talking to him. We found out the he was paralyzed from the middle of his back down because of a motorcycle accident. He was a teacher, but he was stuck to his bed now. In this conversation, which lasted for maybe an hour, we discovered that he was disillusioned with Buddhism, and was quite open to talking about Christianity. He invited the whole team back for dahl bot (the traditional lentil and rice fare of the Nepalis) the next day. So our entire team came for lunch, and we all shared with him. I wondered if it was overwhelming, but he never seemed annoyed or disinterested. He asked a few questions, but never said he believed. Again, the problem was his family. It was sad to pray so hard for his conversion, and to see his unbelief. But I know the Lord used us to plant the seed of the gospel inside him, and, if the Lord wills, it will be brought to fruition in the right time. His name was Shak-Ti.
The other memorable portion of the trip was the journey back. On the way up, we had taken a 20-minute plane flight that saved us days of trekking (though we still had to trek for two days after landing). But as we set out to return, the winds were too strong and it was too cloudy for flights. So, we set out by Jeep…for a while, that is. Then we came to a landslide through which the Jeep could not go. So we had to get out and walk through it to a bus that was purported to be waiting on the side. Someone told my dad and me to take our hiking boots off so they would not get muddy (the mud was up to our mid-calves). So we did – big mistake! Underneath the chocolate-looking mud there were vicious little sharp rocks waiting for our poor bare feet. In addition to the numerous cuts my dad and I both got on our feet, I got a rock stuck in my foot. Not fun! The next two days were filled with multiple landslides, treks, three-hour bus rides that lasted nine hours, falling boulders, crossing streams, leeches, staying in un-ideal places, rushing rivers with no guard-rails, and other such treacherous events. God got us through them all, and brought us safely back.
It was such a blessing to be able to be with H and see how God is using her, in addition to meeting Nepali believers. Although God did not choose to allow the salvation of anyone while we were there, I feel sure that the seeds we planted will be used by him. This trip really put a lot of things in my life in perspective, and showed me that my life (just like the life of every believer) is meant for serving God.
Here are some prayer requests:
·                    Pray for the woman who was afraid of death that I was able to share with               (I do not remember her name).

·                    Pray for Tse-Ring, the woman who taught our group how to make momos and to whom we talked for a while.

·                    Pray for Shak-Ti, the paralyzed man who listened so closely, but was held back by fears and    doubts.

·                    Pray for H and her partner, L, as they follow up with the contacts we made on this trek.

·                    Praise: a woman named Yankee (spelling?), down in Kathmandu, to whom many Christians had witnessed, became a believer while we were up in the villages. This is an answer to prayer for H and many others.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Afraid to Live

Fears of flying, heights, death, public speaking, and others are prevalent throughout our world. I am sure each of you can remember a time that you did not do something fun because fear held you back. Nothing is more restricting than fear. It can keep you from having fun, but most importantly, fear can keep Christians from effectiveness as tools in the hands of God. 

God calls us to step out in faith, as Christians, and we must listen to his call. We are not called to an easy life as Christians. Dietrich Bonhoeffer put it this way:
              "The cross is laid on every Christian. The first Christ-suffering which every man must experience is                     the call to abandon the attachments of this world. It is that dying of the old man which is the result of his encounter with Christ. As we embark upon discipleship we surrender ourselves to Christ in union with his death—we give over our lives to death. Thus it begins; the cross is not the terrible end to an otherwise god-fearing and happy life, but it meets us at the beginning of our communion with Christ. When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die. It may be a death like that of the first disciples who had to leave home and work to follow him, or it may be a death like Luther’s, who had to leave the monastery and go out into the world. But it is the same death every time—death in Jesus Christ, the death of the old man at his call." (The Cost of Discipleship, 99)

The cool thing is that we don't have to be afraid to die. We need not fear the death of our physical bodies, nor do we need to fear dying to ourselves everyday. We only have to entrust our lives to the one who loved us enough to shed his blood for us. By that standard, we do not have to fear anything because if God is going to put us in a situation, he will give us the grace to get through.

Are you afraid of being unsuccessful, running out of money, or not getting married? God has a plan for you. It sounds so flippant to say that, but it is the truth. We over-complicate the whole thing: "If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer." (Matthew 21:22) You want something? Then ask God for it, and trust that he will give it to you if and when he wants to. It is comforting to have someone perfect running my life for me. 

But, you say, what about when I mess up and I am afraid of the consequences? Well, let us not forget that God "causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." (Romans 8:28) If you are a Christian, then God causes even your sin to work for his purposes in your life. Notice how the verse says "all things," not "everything except your sin." This is such a mystery to me, but I am so thankful for God's grace. We can just fold our hands and say, "I am not afraid of the future because I know that it is in God's hands. And God is so loving that he will work everything out."

Amen and praise the Lord. What's that on your face? A frown? Are you sad, depressed, angry, or discontent? Don't be. God has a great plan for you. And don't be afraid - God holds the future!

Friday, June 3, 2011

In Need of Prayer

I am going on a mission trip to an Asian country in the Himalayas from June 20- July 5. I am really excited about this trip, but I am needing some prayer right now. Our team has been told that we will have a good amount of hiking to do in order to reach our destination. I have been getting myself physically prepared for this, but a major road block has come up: my asthma has never been worse. I am coughing non-stop all day and night long, there are times when I cannot breathe, I am using my nebulizer 4-5 times a day, as well as being on numerous other medicines. I need prayer that my asthma will become controllable again. Honestly, it's somewhat scary when I can't breathe. Thank you for your prayers, they will be appreciated.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

A Challenge

When I struggle with an area of sin, looking at God's word helps me to realize that I am not the only one who struggles with this. That being said, I know that some of you must struggle with discontent and complaining like I do. Here is a challenge. Wait a few seconds before you say anything, and if a complaint was about to come out of your mouth, turn it into a word of praise. I am going to try this. It may feel unnatural at first, but I have a feeling it will be rewarding. The Bible says we will be judged for each word we speak, why not replace complaining with praising the Lord?

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Faith Like a Child

I have enjoyed being with my family more this past week, since I am on summer break. Even though I lived at home throughout the school year, I would not see my younger siblings as much because they would be almost ready for bed when I got home. I was surprised to see how much my five-year-old sister, Daphne, had matured.

Yesterday I had the privilege of taking Daphne on some errands. We were supposed to go to Walmart, but being the directionally-challenged person that I am, I got lost. (A word of advice: don't get directions from a five-year-old, as smart as he or she may be). I finally found my way back to church, and decided to take Daphne to Chickfila. She played for a little while and she got a balloon. She was all smiles when we went back to church. It was such a special time!

I was making my bed this morning, when she came in a smiled at me. "Did you know that yesterday was the best day of my life?" She said. "Actually it was the second best day," she continued. "The best day will be the day I die." I was blown away. I did not expect to hear that coming from Daphne's mouth. "Why?" I asked her. "Because that will be the day I got to Heaven and see Jesus. Don't cry or be sad when I die, Jenny. You'll see me soon. I love you!" Daphne then skipped off to play.

I sat on my bed and marveled at her faith. She knows with all of her heart that she will be with Jesus when she dies. I am so thankful that my Daphne loves Jesus so much. Her faith has really inspired me, even if she is only five.
 

Sunday, May 8, 2011

It Keeps Happening

The moment I apologize for something, I start doing it again. When I make goals, I break them. Why do my wants and actions not line up? What I am doing drives me crazy!

I realize that I cannot do anything on my own. I cannot speak kindly, be patient in trial, or mortify my flesh alone. I definitely feel Satan's attack on me right now. Tomorrow is my piano proficiency exam. I keep repeating this mantra: if I get nervous, I won't play well; if I don't play well, I will not pass, which means I'll have to take piano again. After that come my numerous exams. Try as I might, I cannot stop being nervous. "Cast your cares on the Lord." I keep telling myself. Can I live it out? No. What is wrong with me?


Romans 7:15-25 speaks to this problem.
"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me.  For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!"

So it is Jesus who rescues me from the ruts I am in. The struggle inside myself is not all encompassing, and I need not be consumed by it. Praise the Lord!

Friday, April 22, 2011

The Infinite Paradox: the Meeting Place of Justice and Grace

     God is just. He cannot change that aspect of His character. God is gracious; He cannot change that either. How could a just God not show justice toward those who had wronged Him? How could a gracious God not show grace to those in need of it? And how do these two seemingly incompatible aspects of God's character work together? The answer is in Jesus' death on the cross. 

     We had sinned and we deserved God's eternal wrath for this sin. Habakkuk 1:13a says, "Your eyes are too pure to look on evil; you cannot tolerate wrong." God has been, and will always be, intolerant of evil. Evil must be punished by someone as pure and holy as God. Simply put, God is holy and we are not. This must be punished. 

     God looked on our plight as sinful creatures deserving his wrath, and He wanted to show us grace. Psalm 145:8 says, "The LORD is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love." He wanted to save us, but He could not go against His nature.

     Praise the Lord that there is no dilemma too difficult for God to solve. His answer was Jesus. He sent His son to earth to become fully man while remaining fully God. Jesus lived perfectly, and had no sins of his own to die for, so God put the sins of all His chosen ones on Jesus. He poured out His wrath on His own son so that we might live and He might remain wholly just and wholly gracious. Praise the Lord.

     The Christian life is full of paradoxes. The first shall be last, and the last shall be first. Whoever wants to be the greatest must be the servant of all. The meek shall inherit a kingdom. There are many more. The ultimate paradox is the cross. God was both just and gracious through the cross. How great is our God?

     I  hope this post is encouraging. I know this one is somewhat rambling, but I am so thankful for all that the Lord has done for me and I wanted to share it with you all. Have a blessed time celebrating what the Lord has done for you. I encourage each of you who have trusted in the death-defeating Savior (who loved you enough to die) to go and share your joy and gratitude with others. And if you have not trusted in Jesus as your savior, please realize that you may not even have another day. Each one of us deserves to go to Hell without Christ. That's where you will be if you do not trust in Christ. If you do, however, you have an eternity of joy and peace ahead of you. I urge you to believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be saved. Please let me know if you have any questions. Have a blessed Resurrection Day!

 

Thursday, April 21, 2011

My Only Boast is You

      Growing up as a Christian sometimes makes certain phrases and concepts commonplace to a person. The idea of boasting in Christ was one such idea for me. I obeyed it outwardly, making sure never to boast about my accomplishments, to the best of my ability. But that was the problem...to the best of my ability. You see, in myself, anything and everything is hard to do. God is not something I apply like sunscreen to protect myself, nor is he a hammer or a shovel when life calls me to hammer a nail or to dig a hole. I am learning to look at my relationship with God in this light: I am a quadriplegic on life support. God moves me and breathes for me. He keeps my heart beating and he enable me to act. Why do I think it is all me?

      It is really convicting to realize that, even as a Christian, I live like an atheist. Many times I think about my own goals and accomplishments without giving one thought to the One who gives me my next breath. I am sorry Lord. Boasting in you isn't just not boasting in myself, but it is also acknowledging in my mind that you are doing what you already are. It shows how insignificant, but yet how blessed, I am.   

Sunday, April 17, 2011

You are More

Everyone in the world finds their identity in something. They may be defined by their talents, their religion, their lover, or their family. Or they may be defined by their mistakes. I think that Christians feel this most poignantly. Being defined by our mistakes bogs us down and makes us of no use for the kingdom.

I had been struggling recently because I thought that I was messing up in every area of my life, from family to ministry to academics to my relationships with God and others. Every sin I committed and every mistake I made became another log that I threw on the fire in which I was burning myself. I began to feel unworthy of all God had done for me. Instead of worshiping Jesus for saving me in my unworthy state, I allowed it to keep me from a good relationship with God. I did not have consistent quiet times, and the ones I did were laced with a feeling of guilt and dread. I've experienced what it's like to pour into someone and get nothing in return. I realized I was doing the same thing to God. That was another log on my fire. I thought I would never come free from this cycle of misery.

Recognizing that this pattern I was in was not healthy for my life or my relationship with Christ, I tried to fix it on my own. I laid down a list of rules to help fix things, but it only got worse. I could not forgive myself, even though God had forgiven me.

When I was at my wit's end, I felt led to turn the radio on. "You are More" by Tenth Avenue North was playing. I had never actually listened to the words before.


There's a girl in the corner 
With tear stains on her eyes 
From the places she's wandered 
And the shame she can't hide 

She says, "How did I get here? 
I'm not who I once was. 
And I'm crippled by the fear 
That I've fallen too far to love" 

But don't you know who you are, 
What's been done for you? 
Yeah don't you know who you are? 

You are more than the choices that you've made, 
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes, 
You are more than the problems you create, 
You've been remade. 

Well she tries to believe it 
That she's been given new life 
But she can't shake the feeling 
That it's not true tonight 

She knows all the answers 
And she's rehearsed all the lines 
And so she'll try to do better 
But then she's too weak to try 

But don't you know who you are? 

You are more than the choices that you've made, 
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes, 
You are more than the problems you create, 
You've been remade. 

You are more than the choices that you've made, 
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes, 
You are more than the problems you create, 
You've been remade. 

'Cause this is not about what you've done, 
But what's been done for you. 
This is not about where you've been, 
But where your brokenness brings you to 

This is not about what you feel, 
But what He felt to forgive you, 
And what He felt to make you loved. 

You are more than the choices that you've made, 
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes, 
You are more than the problems you create, 
You've been remade. 

You are more than the choices that you've made, 
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes, 
You are more than the problems you create, 
You've been remade. 

You've been remade 
You've been remade. 
You've been remade. 
You've been remade.

These words pierced me to my heart. I realized that I am more than what I've done. I am God's, through no merit of my own, and that is comforting. It does not give me permission to go mess up. In fact, it makes me want to (in Christ's strength) go fight my sin. But it does help me when I mess up to realize that I am forgiven, and I can move on. I need to stop living life action to action. I worry and fret about the things I do, when I should be deriving peace from who I am in Christ. 

I would like to add two more things. First, this truth makes me realize that I need to forgive others the way I have been forgiven. Second, I would like to urge you all to not let your sins bog you down, but to realize you are forgiven and to live life through God's grace. Who we are is not defined by the mistakes we've made but by the Savior to whom we belong.


Thursday, April 14, 2011

My Song

I had an assignment to write a song for my voice class. I cannot figure out the tune yet, but here it is.


Stone or Sand?
Verse 1:
Two men set out to build two homes.
One built on sand, the other on stone.
As they stepped back to admire their work,
A storm began to brew.
The rain started to flow
And the winds began to blow.

Chorus:
Our lives are like a home we build,
Brick by brick.
Stick by stick.
But it doesn’t matter if we’re smart or skilled
In the end it’s where we stand.
Are our lives built on stone or sand?

Verse 2:
Up in the sky, God heard the cry
Of the man with the house on the sand.
As the house fell apart, so broke the man’s heart,
But he still didn’t understand.
You can’t build your life on sand.
Don’t be like that man.


Chorus:
Our lives are like a home we build,
Brick by brick.
Stick by stick.
But it doesn’t matter if we’re smart or skilled
In the end it’s where we stand.
Are our lives built on stone or sand?

Bridge:
Whoever hears these words I say
And follows them every day.
Won’t be like the man with the house on the sand
And come to the same sorry end.

Chorus:
Our lives are like a home we build,
Brick by brick.
Stick by stick.
But it doesn’t matter if we’re smart or skilled
In the end it’s where we stand.
Are our lives built on stone or sand?



Saturday, April 9, 2011

Exciting Times

It has been a while since I have posted anything, but I have been extremely busy with my classes and homework. That being said, I am going to tell you all about my exciting times (from whence I obtain the title of this post.) I am going on a mission trip this summer to a mountainous country (the name of which I will not mention for security reasons) and I am really pumped! But there are a few things about which I am nervous:

1. I am in no mountain-climbing shape.
2. I am not great at sharing my faith. Add a language barrier and that makes everything harder.
3. I don't know that I am spiritually prepared for the attacks that Satan will be sending our way. He hates the spread of God's word.

Now when I look at those fears, I see one word at the beginning of all of them. That word is "I." The thing is, I cannot overcome any of those on my own. I cannot do with God as a side-kick. It has to be God all the way.  So I know I have nothing to fear. Each step I take on the treadmill, each time I open his word,and  each time I am beginning to get nervous I just focus on God.

So, I would love your prayers to be with me in the time coming up to the trip as I try to balance my busy schedule with my exercising and my spiritual life. And I would love your prayers for the trip in June.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Moving On

It is so hard to trust something to God and then just move on. Please comment with some verses that can help with that.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

No Wonder - Distorted perception of beauty


I challenge you all to not base your ideas of beauty on what culture says is beautiful. As shown here, they have you duped. Rather, you should understand that the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit is what really matters. Don't you want a beauty that lasts and cannot be taken away?

"Home" by Michael Card

Home is a comfort and home is a light,
A place to leave the darkness outside,
Home is a peaceful and ever full feeling
A place where a soul safely hides.

And being in a home should remind you that still 
There's a place that's prepared just for you 
And I think my home is just Heaven's reflection
As long as my home's here with you.

Home is where someone is waiting and loving,
And happy to see you again,
That half of your heart that somebody else treasures
The one who's your forever friend.

But it seems that He's told me, 
The life that He's showed me
Is a life mostly spent on the road
But when the world's empty charm
Has done all of its harm
I know that His love waits for me in you arms.

Cause home is a comfort and home is a light
A place to leave the darkness outside
Home is a peaceful and ever full feeling
A place where a soul safely hides.

And being in a home should remind you that still 
There's a place that's prepared just for you 
And I think my home is just Heaven's reflection
As long as my home's here with you.

And being in a home should remind you that still
There's a place that's prepared just for you
And I think my home is just Heaven's reflection
As long as my home's here with you.